A Prayer, for lack of better words

A feeling of tragedy and sadness hangs over us and clouds our days.

Some in Jerusalem may fear the air raid sirens and sleep with the lights on, but we can sleep knowing that we will wake in the morning. Others in Gaza lie awake all night not knowing whether they will see the sun rise again.

God of light, reveal yourself in the darkness.

Senseless killing rages every day with a death toll of 1,650 Gazans and 66 Israelis. Homes and neighborhoods are obliterated. News, emails, and even Facebooks are flooded with images of death and destruction.

God of creation, put an end to the destruction.

Some weep and some cannot. The rockets fly, thousands are dying as everyday many lose the ability to express emotions in words. At the same time, violence erupts in other places of our world – in Ukraine, Syria, Iraq and even in the streets of the Western World.

God of peace and wholeness, restore the long lost peace of this world and be with us in our sadness.

Many think to themselves and admit to each other with sad sighs, “There is no way this will end well.”

God of hope, grant us steadfastness and strength for tomorrow.

There is sadness, anger, and a loss for the right words more often than not. Even in the midst of our convictions, we sometimes fear to speak up for fear of being criticized, attacked, and dragged into a useless argument.

God of wisdom, grant us a prophetic voice and the courage and discernment to use it.

God of love and goodness, break into our world today. Reveal yourself among the poor, suffering, and oppressed. Remind us of your presence among the outcasts, on the margins of society. Remind us of your disdain for earthly power. Comfort those in distress, mothers and fathers who have lost children, children who have lost parents and siblings. Move the hearts of the world to action, save us from our fear and complacency. Open our eyes to the injustices and pain around us as well as to your presence in our midst.
And may the Spirit intercede for us when there are no words even for our prayers.
Amen.

A Very Sad Place

I have felt obligated for some time blog about the current situation in Israel and Palestine. However, I simply did not know what to say. Should I give a summary of the events of the last several weeks or give a more pointed perspective about how the global media and community cares far more for the hardships of one peoples than another? Should I simply give a prayer for the region and hope that you are all following the news and doing your best to watch various, balanced, and alternative news sources?

I do not really want to do any of that. Or maybe I want to do all of that.

On June 12th, 3 Israeli teens were kidnapped from a hitchhiking station near an Israeli settlement in the West Bank. Hamas, the Palestinian ruling party in Gaza, was blamed for the kidnappings. In a mass attempt to find the teenagers, the Israeli Defense Force launched Operation Brother’s Keeper. Throughout this operation, 9 Palestinians were killed and at least 419 have been arrested.

On Monday, the bodies of the three teenagers were found outside the town of Halhul, near Hebron in the West Bank. Many questions remain unanswered. They have suspected kidnappers but little proof of their connection and these suspects cannot be found. However, in this place, all Palestinians are considered guilty until proven innocent.

Read more here: Israel searches for teens kidnapped in West Bank, day 9

And here: Tragic Deaths of Teens do not Justify Collective Punishment against Civilians

You can read even more here: Tensions Mount after Apparent Revenge Killing in Jerusalem

As the news broke and the situation continues to escalate, I really don’t have much more to say than I did days ago.

The world is a very sad place. I grieve for the lives of the young men and for the pain of their family and friends. I grieve for the lives of the 9 Palestinians that were killed throughout Operation Brother’s Keeper. I grieve for the Palestinian teen that was kidnapped and murdered Tuesday morning and for the victims of revenge and retaliation that have erupted in Jerusalem and Hebron. I grieve because the world will mourn more for the three Israeli teens and many of the Palestinian victims will continue to go unrecognized. I grieve for what all this means for Palestine and Israel.

I grieve because the world is a very sad place.

Lord, in you mercy…

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!

The tomb is empty. “Why do you look for the living among the dead?”

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

The light has broken forth, scattering the darkness. Our Alleluia’s erupt, breaking the silence.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

Death has lost its sting and the prisoners are set free.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

Our hearts are released from sin and death. Our lives are freed from oppression.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

Our risen Lord appears to us, speaks to us, comforts us.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

Despair and darkness are not the end of the story.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

The strife is o’er, the battle is already won. All darkness will disperse.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

On this Resurrection Sunday, we look towards the Kingdom of God knowing that light will vanquish darkness, hatred will become love, and mourning will turn to rejoicing. 

Christ is risen indeed! Alleluia!

On the Willows

Lent, the liturgical season of wandering, is wrapping up this week and coming to an end next Sunday with the celebration of Easter. Yet, my season of wandering continues. I have been in al Mafraq, Jordan for almost 3 weeks and have at least a few more to come but the details of the coming months are still mostly unknown. The only known detail is that I will not be able to return to Bethlehem until June at the earliest.
My time spent wandering, both physically and metaphorically, has been a time filled with many reflections, thoughts, and prayers. I believe I may have journaled more in the last month and a half then I have in whole years of my life.
It is when we are thrown completely out of our comfort zones that we can more clearly see God working in our lives. I have been completely amazed at the way things have come together in my moments of doubt and even despair. From my last few days in Bethlehem, to Taizé, to Paris, to Mafraq, I have experienced God’s provision again and again, not just to provide for my most basic needs but also for what I have needed to be whole. Not only did I have travelling mercies throughout this journey, but I also received new friends and contacts for support. I received endless, incredible support from friends and family around the world. The strength I received from prayers and good thoughts has kept me going. As I mentioned in my post about Taizé, my sharing group spoke often about the concept of taking faith and life “day by day.” I have come to understand this idea as a two-way street of both discipleship and provision. Day by day, I seek to love God more dearly, follow God more nearly, and to see God more clearly. At the same time, day by day God provides what I need for that day, including strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.
The way the Church has supported me throughout this journey has been truly humbling. As a Global Mission Fellow, I am called to “engage in a local community, connect the Church in mission, and grow and personal and social holiness.” The call to connect the Church in mission has made itself apparent and come to fruition in a way I had not envisioned possible when I was commissioned to this call in August. It has been a source of true joy to see and experience the Church come together. I rejoice when I reflect on the ways that Mt. Lebanon United Methodist Church in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Immanuel United Methodist Church in Waltham, Massachusetts; my fellow Mission Interns and US-2’s; United Methodists across Western PA; Summer Youth Institute alumni; new friends in Bethlehem; and countless other people were connected in their prayers for me. To me, this is a glimpse of the Kingdom.
Finally, I have been reflecting on the nature of God. Throughout my wandering, I have been wondering what it means to believe in a wandering God and as my wandering has brought me to a place full of refugees, I wonder what it truly means to believe in a God that mourns with the oppressed and the exiled. We know that God, in steadfast love, was with the Israelites throughout their time wandering in the desert. As we celebrate Lent and remember Christ wandering in the wilderness, we have a clear image of a God who wanders.I have access to a piano here at the Church and as I sat down to play the other day for the first time in a long time, I played the one song my fingers remember automatically – a song of mourning, a psalm of exile: “On the willows there, we hung up our lyres for our captors there required of us songs and our tormentors mirth, saying, ‘Sing us one of the songs of Zion.’ But how can we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?” I realized that never again will this song be so appropriate to my life. It is a psalm of the Israelite exile in Babylon. The original psalm, Psalm 137, begins, “By the rivers of Babylon…” Never again will I be an exile from Jerusalem, so close to the rivers of Babylon. But more than myself, I thought of the all the refugees I have spoken to. When I ask in my basic Arabic, “Do you like Jordan?” they always respond, “Jordan is nice but Syria is better.” Of course it is, it is your home. I feel like they are truly saying, “How can I continue with any sense of normalcy, anything resembling my old life, when I am so far from home?”

How can we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?

Dans nos Obscurités

A quick overview of the happenings in my life over the last 2 weeks could not do my time at Taizé justice. I deserves its own post.

Taizé is an ecumenical monastic community in France that have created a camp, for lack of better term, that attracts young people all over the world. The community and a stay at Taizé are focused on simple living and contemplative prayer. It was founded by Brother Roger and has grown in popularity around the world for the songs they produce as a community and use in daily prayer. Their songs (click to listen) are reminiscent of Gregorian chant. They are haunting in melody and harmony but short and repeated many times. Most of the texts are simple scripture verses of quotes from Christian figures and are available in a variety of languages.

Walking towards the village and community of Taize

On a walk outside Taize

Books in many different languages in the bookshop

A typical day at Taizé follows this schedule:

• 8:15am – Morning prayer followed by breakfast
• 10:00am – Bible Study led by one of the Brothers of the community
• 11:00am – Sharing group with other young adults
• 12:20pm – Midday prayer followed by lunch
• 3:00pm – Chores and working groups around Taizé, such as cleaning bathrooms and changing sheets in the dorms
• 5:15pm – Tea time
• 7:00pm – Dinner
• 8:30pm – Evening Prayer

Each prayer service consists of singing, scripture, and silence. Almost every prayer service included German, English, French, Italian, Latin, Spanish, and Korean among other languages. Morning and midday prayer lasted for about 45 minutes but most people lingered after evening prayer officially ended and continued to sing, pray, and reflect.

Inside the sanctuary of the Church of Reconciliation

The altar inside the Church of Reconciliation

Meals were always simple but adequate. As part of the simple living aspect, the only silver ware is spoons and the only cups are more like plastic bowls. Hot beverages, served at breakfast and tea time consisted of four buckets of powder – coffee, cocoa, tea, and milk – and bucket of sugar cubes. Fill your cup with whatever combination of powder you want and just add water! As I said, simple but adequate.

In the midst of the chaos of this visa situation and all the uncertainty it entails, a week of quiet reflection, contemplative prayer, and supportive community was exactly what I needed. One of the most powerful moments of the week happened on Sunday night. A new friend I had made had decided to spend the next week in silence and so we were saying our goodbyes before evening prayer as she went directly in silence after the service. We were both nervous about our upcoming journeys, although they were completely different adventures. The last words she spoke before entering a week of silence were to me, a person she didn’t know existed the week before, as she said, “I really think it is all going to be ok.” They are simple words but I think it is the first time in a while I believed that it is really all going to be ok.

Dans nos obscurités, allume le feu qui ne s’éteint jamais.

Within our darkest night, You kindle the fire that never dies away. 

Updates from the Road

So much has changed these past 2 weeks. I started writing this from Ataturk Airport in Istanbul waiting for my flight to Lyon, France but abandoned during my week at Taizé, France. I continue writing it from my hostel in Paris.
I suppose I should rewind a little and explain. My visa situation has been uncertain from the beginning. However, the Church of Scotland in Jerusalem agreed to sponsor my long-term visa, which is an incredible blessing. Israel will not recognize, and therefore not grant visas, that were not present in the land before 1967. Therefore, I, and all United Methodist Missionaries, are unable to get visas through the UMC. It was about a month ago I received the good news about the Church of Scotland. Nonetheless, I knew the expiration of my tourist visa was approaching and was trying to determine whether or not I had to leave. It was not until Tuesday the 4th, Mardi Gras, I got a clear answer that I should leave and not come back until the long-term visa was processed. So I had less than a week to arrange a place to go, prepare, and pack up everything (I only brought a camping backpack and a smaller backpack with me though).
It is nearly impossible to describe how I was feeling a week ago. It is equally impossible to describe how I am feeling right now. I was quite sad to leave Bethlehem. It had become my home in a way I did not fully realize until I was leaving it. I did have a truly wonderful week at Taizé. I did a lot of praying and reflecting, learned beautiful songs, made new friends, had fascinating discussions and was renewed. I look forward to going back some day.

Stained glass of the Transfiguration in Taize’s Church of Reconciliation

Entrance to Taize

I arrived in Paris on Monday evening and have done some exploring. I am still awaiting clarification for my next step in this journey. I probably will not be able to return to Bethlehem until June. I truly appreciate all your thoughts, prayers, and support throughout this time of uncertainty. More specifics of my adventures to come soon!
While I had a good time Taizé and I’m sure Paris will be marvelous, I do not want to romanticize this experience. There are moments I can hear and feel my heart pounding and I feel sick to my stomach from the stress and uncertainty. There are moments I want to book the next flight back to Pittsburgh. But I try to focus on nothing more than the next task at hand and all that I am learning and experiencing. In my sharing group at Taizé we spoke often about taking things day by day. It seems clichéd, I suppose, but I am coming to a new level of understanding of what it means to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread,” – nothing more, nothing less than I what I need for this day. And even in the midst of all this chaos and wandering, I have moments of a true “peace that passes understanding” for I believe in a God that does not forsake me and surely wanders with me.

Ash Wednesday Reflections

Today we enter the season of Lent, a season of penance and reflection as we prepare our hearts and minds for the new life that comes with Easter. I have been wracking my brain for creatives ways to take advantage of spending Lent in the Holy Land. However, I found out yesterday that due to the continuing saga of my visa, I will not be spending most of Lent in Israel/Palestine. My current visa expires next week and I must leave the country. My itinerary is still developing but I will be sure to let you know as things progress. I am disappointed to leave this place I am learning to call home for an unknown amount of time, especially at such a time that would be so significant to spend here. But certainly the spiritual meaning is not lost by my current situation. I will now be a wanderer throughout Lent, much like Jesus wandering in the desert. I will not have a place to settle, much like the ancient Israelites lost in the wilderness. This is a new stage in my journey, with new lessons to learn and new ways to grow closer to God.

I have learned so much in the past almost 6 months. As I received ashes today to symbolizes my repentance, I reflected on my own sinful thoughts and the ways in which redemption for those thoughts have brought me to better understanding of what it means to be a Christian in this world. At times, I have been guilty of all the things in the following litany but certainly not only because I live in a foreign culture. Such thoughts can flash across our minds if only for a second wherever we find ourselves in the world. Injustice, oppression, and privilege exist everywhere.

When we fail to see Christ in the other; Lord have mercy.

When we let anger, even righteous indignation, prevent a gracious response; Lord have mercy.

When we fail to recognize our own privilege; Lord have mercy.

When we struggle and fail to relinquish our own privilege; Lord have mercy.

When we attempt to rank human suffering and injustice rather than recognize that injustice anywhere is related in injustice everywhere; Lord have mercy.

When, in our attempts to love the other, we reduce them to an easy-to-understand stereotype; Lord have mercy.

When we forget that the oppressed are nothing more or less than human too and expect them to be perfect; Lord have mercy.

When we forget that the oppressor is also human and not beyond the reaches of God’s grace; Lord have mercy.

When we are the oppressor; Lord have mercy.

When we fail to take the log out of our own society’s eye before removing the fleck of dust from another’s; Lord have mercy.

When we hide in easy answers out fear of complexity; Lord have mercy.

When we tire of our call to be exiles and strangers in a strange land; Lord have mercy.

As we enter this season of Lent, may Christ guide us as we wander with penance seeking resurrection and new life. While all the evils of unjust systems exist globally, the good news is that redemption is just as global and more powerful.  I pray that we all experience a meaningful Lent, removing the burden of the sins past and moving towards new life, not merely on a personal level but on a societal level as well.